You fell in love with a woman You wish you never did Had sexual intercourse with her And now you’ve got a kid Everything was fine and everything was great You had a lovely family But couldn’t predict your fate That bitch got a job and sometimes came home late You would have to watch the kid while she was on a date She stopped cooking dinner and having sex with you You had to use your right hand, what else could you do Her boyfriend told her to divorce you This event was inevitable, you already knew She served you papers, then met you in court Took everything from you, you didn’t expect this sort You used to want a kid but now you wish you never did because you’re paying child support That bitch screwed you really bad, you prayed you weren’t the dad and now you’re paying child support She got the trailer, the tv and the truck You finally got to the point where you didn’t give a fuck Now you live in a trailer park but you used to have a house That’s all in the past now because of your former spouse You no longer get the chance to see your own child Not ever since that divorce was filed Your ex talks shit about you to your own son He doesn’t even want to talk to you, your relationship is done She married some guy, and his name is Rick Your son calls him “dad” and you call him “dick” She took you for your money, then moved out of state She left you with nothing but an unmerciful fate You want to break your ex’s neck because she’s garnishing your check it’s all from child support You live in a world of dismay, you don’t want to live another day because of child support

He’s got insanely large tits He’s got really sweaty arm pits The thing I like seeing the best Is the salt and pepper hair on his chest He’ll do or say anything he can To convince himself that he’s a lady’s man The truth is that he’s washed up and fat And no woman wants any part of that He has a greasy fucking nutsack He has a hairy motherfucking back He knows how to make an obvious observation And it requires very little contemplation Gerald is a janitor and he’s really fucking fat Beware of the janitor His whereabouts you must monitor Watch out for the janitor He is a sexual predator He spends his nights cleaning a floor That’s a job no one can adore He looks like he’s been pregnant for over a year His appearance can instill fear When he talks he doesn’t shut the fuck up He talks about the most trivial and worthless things No one wants to listen, no one wants to hear Just go away and clean the feces in the restroom He’s really sweaty He probably has to wear a towel while he masturbates, So that he doesn’t get his whole bed wet with sweat Then he probably cums all over himself and passes out immediately after Leaving the cum to dry and pin down his chest hairs As if the cum was an adhesive He probably also defecates upon orgasm to heighten the pleasure But of course, this is all speculation I’m not the type of person to use slander against anyone else really

You’re in a relationship in which you’re stuck You’ve been severely struck by bad luck You try to act like you don’t give a fuck But deep down you know your life sucks Your relationship was beautiful but things became complex You wanted to get intimate but she didn’t want to have sex At least not with you, she didn’t want your cock She went to find some more guys somewhere around the block She started fucking about six different men Kyle, Cody, Dale, Ryan, Matthew, and Ken You were completely oblivious, you didn’t even know That your precious older girlfriend was a filthy ho She remained a raging alcoholic She went out to the bar to meet more guys and frolic You used to really love her, you had a strong trust That all ended when you learned of her drunken lust You stayed busy with your enormous porn collection You kept watching then you’d touch your erection Jerking off your cock while always watching porn You seized those moments because at those times you weren’t forlorn Every little thing she said or did irritated you But even after all the shit nothing could separate you two Sometimes you’d try to keep the peace but most often you were fighting There was always some domestic eruption that was on the verge of igniting You act like you love her, you’re such a faker You really want for her to leave, you’re afraid to make her She got in your face one night so then you went to shove her At first you say “fuck that bitch” then a week later tell me that you love her The cops came over to your house to intervene It was just a typical domestic call they had many times seen Your bitch told them you had drugs so they searched through your stuff They found one illegal deadly weapon and put you in cuffs For three days you stayed in jail You didn’t have the money to put up for bail To this day you’re still with her, you’ve got no sense It’s time to leave her, no need to second guess Chorus You are Mr. Misery The total epitome Better you than me Your room is your prison cell You live in this infernal hell What your future holds only time will tell You really want to see her dead Wanna take a chainsaw to her head You’ve gone totally insane Your bitch always liked to cheat You’ve got jizz from other guys on your sheets Leave her and get on with your life You’re in a shitty relationship And it’s complete shit I’ll give you one small tip It’s finally time to quit

All of my friends like to pick up chicks at the mall But I myself, I prefer the bingo hall I saw the most gorgeous woman I ever laid eyes on Now I tell this story in the form of song I was only 18, she was 85 She had an oxy tank and went to chemo to stay alive She said she liked to play bingo to get out of the home I was determined to make her moan I asked her if she'd be my girl She accepted, so we started to date When we were seen in public, people wanted to hurl After three dates, we decided to mate Her name was Ethel, her skin was like leather Her precious body as delicate as a feather Two long, wrinkled udders for a rack Her roast beef cunt hung lower than my sack Ethel performed a sexual favor one night And since she hadn't a real tooth in sight, She put her mouth on my dick and gave it a good fluff I returned the favor by chewing on her muff I pulled out my shaft and took it for a dip I had to fuck her gently so I wouldn't break her hip Upon each thrust she let out a flatulent queef After twenty seconds I unloaded in her roast beef She couldn't be impregnated, I feared this complication I grew with sorrow, anger, and trepidation You might ask, "What is the cause?" Well duh! She was well past menopause I wanted to see a doctor but had no insurance But in the yellow pages I found an ad It was a doctor's office of medical research that financed It seemed this was the only choice I had So the very next day I went to see the doctor The office was very dirty and had trash all over the floor I was taken aback by this sight, I expected more A stereo played mariachi music which I abhor Dr. Lopez told me of an unheard of procedure he was working on He would replace my nuts with my sperm and her 40-year-old-frozen-egg-created embryo I wasn't fond of being some kind of guinea pig or pawn But I wanted a family with Ethel, how could I say no? Ethel: Replacing thy nuts with embryos sure seems like a very bad thing to do Me: Oh indeed my beautiful cupid Ethel, I risk it all because I love you Ethel: My sweet cherub, I just fear all this--thou knowest I love you too Me: If something goes horribly wrong, then I shall sue Together: For us you'll/I'll replace each ball 'Twas a year ago we met in that bingo hall I'll do anything to create our kin Even if this method is by god's standards a sin I went back to agree and undergo the surgery He began by using the front desk as an operating table This seemed pretty weird and unsanitary But since this was our only option, THEN SO IT SHALL BE!

I once saw something scary, and you all should be weary That what I'm about to tell you is the honest motherfucking real truth I saw this on my daily jog, a man fucking his dead dog Now what then occured after that didn't really go over all that smooth I only took a passing glance, but that's when he took his chance He ran up to me with his dick flapping violently in the wind He said "hey come over here, I'm not sure but I might be queer" "I have a rather nice plan but by many it would be a nasty sin" I was very much (afraid) As his semen quickly (sprayed) In his dog he fucking (flayed) And with doggy junk he did play He's most like Jeffrey (Dahmer) To meet him is a real (bummer) The dead dog stench of that (summer) Made me never want to slumber I was very much (afraid) As his semen quickly (sprayed) In his dog he fucking (flayed) And with doggy junk he did play This guy's really fucking (nuts) He likes fucking mammal (butts) With his lube of mammal (guts) He grinned more and more each new thrust He spoke, he talked, he spits, he shouts, all about his odd plight He said "I'll tell, you more, the rest, if you give me a light" He smoked, inhaled, held it, exhaled, and let out a loud cough He stood, and took, a breath, then he, suddenly explained a lot "Unsure of my (sexuality), I resort to (necrobeastiality) It is quite (questionable), and maybe just a little bit overt I openly admit that I like the feel, of my dead dog who's name is Bert Though it's not just my dog (that I fuck), I've even screwed cows and possibly a duck! "Oh god, oh no, no way, what the fuck? I'll call the cops!" I said The man, he turned, he smiled, he laughed, and he gave his dog head I went, and dialed, it rang, "hello?" "He's insane!" I was shrill The cop, he came, I'm saved, BUT NO! This next bit made me ill The cop then rolled up, in a small ford ranger He said his greetings, then treated me as a stranger He started to throw his clothes to the ground The other man's ass he started to pound I knew that this wasn't part of the procedure Their ass fucking looked like a seizure While this happened, I looked at his clothes I read the nametag, and learned they were bros I was very much afraid As their semen quickly sprayed In their dog they fucking flayed And with doggy junk they did play They're most like Jeffrey Dahmer To meet them is a real bummer The dead dog stench of that summer Made me never want to slumber I was very much afraid As their semen quickly sprayed In their dog they fucking flayed And with doggy junk they did play They are really fucking nuts They like fucking mammal butts With their lube of mammal guts They grinned more and more each new thrust I took it upon myself, to put this to an end I grabbed the cop's hand gun, and shot em really dead I took both of the bodies and carried em with me, then I decided that I'd hide them around the bend Now this is a part that I can't quite explain but I also really can't complain, I got real horny and hoping everyone would ignore me I violently put my dick where they bled (wait...WHAT!?) So I shoved my dick in every orfice (Dude no, what the fuck) I wanted to cum, and this would suffice (We can't continue this song...) Then I grabbed the dog by it's scruff (I'm serious, this actually has gone too far) That dog's butthole was exactly enough (There's something WRONG with you!) *skit* I was very much afraid As your semen quickly sprayed In their dog they fucking flayed And with doggy junk you did play *coughing and sputtering rest of lyrics*

*skit*

Santa Cuz broke into my house one night He held me down but in vain I put up a fight He was black, I was white, this just wasn't right He was big, I was tight, and his cock was within sight He was a big, dark man who was scary His purple mushroom tip approached and his junk felt hairy I squirmed, fought, and tried to parry But he managed to push through my ass and bust my anal cherry I was unhappy that he broke the seal As he kept pumping, I let out a squeal I offered him money to stop but he refused that deal His urethra vacuumed a fecalized meal He said I had been a bad boy, so for Christmas I’d get coal Then he pulled out his dick and shoved coal down my asshole Then he pushed the coal down my asshole with his love shaftpole It felt as though my body was on the verge of departing from my soul This excruciating pain was absolutely agonizing I could no longer take this anal terrorizing It felt like his cock continued to grow in size, As he continued to brutally sodomize He was black, I was white He was big, I was tight Nothing at all was right On this dreaded fateful night Took my head, dragged me south Forced me to employ my mouth The name of the game was blow job On his nob I had to slob He’s in the neighborhood, on a rampage Going door to door, causing anal damage If you refuse to be his bitch You could wind up in a six foot ditch His only weapon is his phallus He can always use it because it's callused If you survive this, you can almost swear It was nothing more than a nightmare It was the night before Christmas, and all through the hood Not a thang was stirring, not even my wood; That is until I saw a white boy, through some glass, I wanted to break it, to begin raping his ass; So I smashed open the window, unzipping my fly, I was just an OG muthafucka, with a queer eye; I was in my boxers, and him in his jeans I wouldn't settle for this to be any clean I threw down to the floor, and kicked his ass fo sho Now I must rape him, ho ho ho ho HO HO HO HO HO I tore the jeans down to his ankles A new elf to add to the flock I presented my giftwrapped present Sliding it out from beneath my jock I was now the real Santa The victim my fucking sleigh No reindeer to pull him His bright red face led the way Some coal, I decided to use No lube, his asshole I abuse This rape, he cannot just refuse His look, a poor lad confused My junk, now dripping with spunk I laughed, filled him full of crunk My rod, now it really stunk Oh god, it smells like a skunk He now lay turd burgled His anus chapped and raw My sack had been emptied out I HO HO HO'd at what I saw This poor man lay bleeding My escape must be fleeting My cock I am now beating I bid you season's greetings Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingling down the street Oh what fun it is to streak while taking a big leak My dong is huge, from it no refuge Your ass is now mine to take, I'll rape you with a fucking rake The cops gazed upon my phallus As I sprinted through the snow Cloaked in darkness I stay hidden Down the chimney I must go I scurry to the icy roof Instead I get a striking urge Squatting over the chimney stack My bowels begin to violently surge My cornhole won't stop polluting As the police keep on shooting I squeal as a bullet hits my sphincter Molten anal fudge spews this winter My options are now decreasing A bullet did some anal greasing A rapid loss of blood I'm losing My choice I'm mighty swift in choose I jump, falling to the snow My dick, sustaining the blow I moan, agony I know Oh no, here come the po po po I wince, flailing from the blow My wang, cumming at full flow My ass, bloody diarhea hole The cops, "arrest without parole!" He’s in the neighborhood, on a rampage Going door to door, causing anal damage If you refuse to be his bitch You could wind up in a six foot ditch His only weapon is his phallus He can always use it because it's callused If you survive this, you can almost swear It was nothing more than a nightmare Last night, a colored individual was seen escaping from police officers in the Big Bear area, The infamous Santa Cuz has struck once again. His face was indistinguishable because of the dark night, but the officers do have a composite sketch of the offender's genetalia. If you've seen these genitals, contact the Big Bear police department immediately. We repeat, he is still at large--both literally and figuratively. Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide everyone. Nobody is safe. They rapin' everyone up in here.

This is a heart-felt story I feel I must tell It is about a time in my life when I was happy and all was fine I was young and in love Then something happened and I kinda crossed the line My love came over to my house one evening It was the sixth time we had seen each other We had never had sex But that night I planned on getting it I treated her very well I said all the right things to say Everything was going so smoothly I knew this was going to be my day I removed all of her clothing She whipped out my cock and started blowing Her technique was nothing short of art It was so good that I let out a fart She felt my dick vibrate in her mouth She realized it was a bad idea to go down south She tried to get up and then leave Then I became really peeved Now mind you, listener, that I had waited a long time for this moment So don’t you dare judge me for what I’m about to talk about next This could have happened to you or anyone else I’m not proud of the following events that took place Before she got all the way up I punched her in the skull She fell down to the ground Then I squatted over her face As soon as she hit the floor She went into shock That’s when I told her You’re gonna taste my cock Her mouth was hanging open Which gave me the perfect opportunity To unload a huge pile of feces I had become an abomination to my species She started to choke, gag and cough But before she could spit out my feces They got rammed down her throat with my phallus I don’t know what made me feel this atrocious malice I started to piss as I cock-pumped her shit-filled mouth The shit was being pushed down deeper and deeper She couldn’t breathe and then tried to vomit But couldn’t because her oral passage was blocked by my shit and cock Much to my surprise vomit, piss and feces escaped through her nasal passage It was like she had a bowel movement from her face Her eyes were glossy as she cried and she tried to scream It turned me on so then I went to bust my nut But the strangest thing happened when I came It wasn’t your typical, usual ejaculation you see in the movies What happened was that a noodle of shit extracted from my dick And it was the most agonizing sensation I had ever felt Torturous Ejaculation Through Fecalized Oral Copulation I grabbed a hold of the base of my shaft And squeezed it upwards as if it were a tube of toothpaste The shit was still hanging off my dick Then I settled my dick on her and gave her a poop noodle necklace Then she convulsed and died She was my true love I regret that day each and every day that I live But the institution sometimes gives me pills that make me happy And they help me to not think of her *garbled talking*

I will conceive a child from inside my hairy scrote Listen to my story, so we're on the same fuckin boat I wanna be a mother and a father, even if it's wrong Birth a baby from inside my balls, rather then my dong My wife is the age of 85, and me a young man To plant embryos in my nutsack, that was the plan Shit from a science film is what you're gonna see Elephantitis of my nads, would make most people heave Modern medicine has allowed this to exist Although most people say my balls are kinda like a cyst My dick is like a twig and my balls are too big They're like giant melons and they keep on swellin The baby starts to kick And I feel really sick "Ethel I think it's time" "It's early!" she starts to chime "The baby's coming now!" "It will come out, I don't care how!" I thought this would be magical Instead it turned out tragical I went in the ward, and laid on a gurney What happened next made me get an attourney Old Doctor Lopez, told me this was simple Before he finished, my balls popped like a pimple I scream and moan as my nuts are blown My baby drops as the skin just flops My manhood dies as the infant cries But something's wrong, the joy's not long The child came out WRONG It looks like my DONG Also five left EARS Antlers like a DEER Oh god, why did this happen to us Our child, will ride the special bus Was it even alive? I poked it with a stick Then I saw it's face, uglier than my dick It was like a cross, of a bear and a duck It also had some gills, and lots of facial hair The nose was a beak, man what the holy fuck I let out a bellow, my agony I hope you share I went to file a lawsuit against Dr. Lopez soon after However, there was no evidence of him ever existing It was possible he had already fled the country I was determined to find him and make him pay I was left with a deformed and retarded child of unknown gender I made it a custom-made helmet because a regular one wouldn’t fit It must always wear a bib in order to catch all the drool This has been my story and I hope you all take this seriously This is not the end